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USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-E)
USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-E) was the longest ship, but not the largest. (Star Trek: First Contact). It looked like it got stretched out in a giant, intergalactic taffy puller, that nobody uses (come to think of it, it probably was stretched out by a giant taffy puller) (Star Trek Nemesis). Appearance Yeah, the disc thingy on top was shaped like an oval, which is weird because the disc is supposed to be circle, so yeah. The ship still suffers from the fatal flaw of having no space in the spacedock, but this time, the damn thing takes up about half of the ship. Also, the warp nacelles are much longer than the actual disk, showing once again the horrific flaws of the 23rd Century. The bridge is totally revamped, with all sorts of new gadgets and gizmos. So once again, Starfleet has made a horrible investment in yet another dated ship . Engine Specifications The warp core is actually the engine of Eric Forman's Vista Cruiser, which was stolen immediately after his triumphant return from Africa. After covering the rusty four-cylinder engine in blue LED lights, and filling the air with gaseous LSD, the crew was convinced they had an actual warp core. The nacelles, and actually getting to warp are a whole different story. The nacelles are actually large, metallic condoms that have been filled LED lights and smurf diarrhea, giving it a glowing blue color. In order to get to warp speed, the engineers would bottle Worf's and Dianna Troi's farts and release them through the ships's butthole. Due to Worf's Klingon nature, his farts have a pressure of 400,000,000,000,000 tons per square millimeter. Also, Dianna Troi's being full of crap has very much contributed to the warp speed. Onboard Specifications When the Enterprise-E was being constructed, old fragments of Enterprise-D were being used. When the ship made it's first attempt to take off, the chewed gum gave way, causing 13 of 42 decks to completely collapse and dissappear into oblivion. To make matters worse, Donald Trump, enraged by the lack of coffee machines aboard, used his intergalactic taffy puller to completely stretch out the ship into its' oval shape. Now, where the 13 decks are supposed to be, there is a massive gaping hole in which the ship's fecal matter is ejected through. Crew The crew of the Enterprise-E consists of mentally-challenged Ferengi hookers who have been coaxed into wearing red uniforms in order to kill them off one-by-one on very uneccessary away-missions, most of them being lead by the infamous first officer, Billy Mays. The captain of the vessel, who claims to be Picard, is actually Kerry King after a massive weight loss plan and even more hair loss. Accomplishments The only thing worth noting about the Enterprise-E is that it directly attacked Captain Picard's clone, Tom Hardy, in the days before he wore a metal mask and fought Batman. Doing that, they managed to destroy 3/4 of the ship, AND they broke the starfleet record for most redshirt deaths, with a staggering 2,345,345,657,634,765 redshirt casualties. Category:Federation starships